This gentle response to an anti-gay Twitter troll has been viewed millions of times

It’s sometimes more satisfying to strike back when someone hurts you. Whether it’s thoughtless or purposeful, a hurtful comment can ruin your day.

So when a Twitter troll sent a gay minister a snide comment, no one would have denied him a snarky reply. In the queer community, it might have been expected or celebrated.

Related: The spectacular freedom of embracing she/he/they pronouns

My gender truly does feel all-encompassing. It’s fluid, it’s masculine, it’s feminine, it’s all of it, it’s none of it.

But his gentle response to the troll’s message has been viewed millions of times, showing that love is frequently the most effective weapon. Sometimes, the worst in other people brings out the best in us.

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“No one caress [sic] that you’re gay,” the person wrote. “But why do you have to shove it in our faces every single day. And you wonder why you get push back?”

“I notice you mention your husband and three wonderful children in your bio. I also notice plenty of photos of your family on your feed. I’m happy for your successful marriage and that you have a lovely family. See how easy that was?” the reverend sent back after explaining that he had told the woman he would respond on his timeline and not directly.

Other users responded to Rev. Daniel’s thoughtful and kind reply, with one tweeting, “I know it can be really difficult to respond to these types of comments with dignity. But that’s exactly what you’ve done and it is everything.”

So I got this DM last night. I told the person I would respond on my feed without identifying her.

I want to do it here because this comes up a fair bit: me “showing my being gay” in peoples faces.

So here’s my response to her: pic.twitter.com/gp1AYBMvpo

— RevDaniel (@RevDaniel) October 24, 2023

I didn’t attack you for pushing anything in my face. I don’t judge you for sharing the things that are of most interest to you; the things in your life that give you joy and fulfillment; the things that probably keep you up at night worrying. It’s Twitter. It’s what we do here.

— RevDaniel (@RevDaniel) October 24, 2023

As an evangelical Christian, you mentioning your husband and children is considered a badge of orthodoxy. It doesn’t just indicate who you ARE but who you are not.:
– a lesbian (which many Christians would see as sin)
– single (failure)
– divorced (both sin and failure)…

— RevDaniel (@RevDaniel) October 24, 2023

You send as many signals with your posts as I do – but you have the privilege to be perhaps unaware of it or not care.

When *I* post about my family I’m doing what you’re doing: sharing the people and things most important to me. But I’m also sending signals – different ones.

— RevDaniel (@RevDaniel) October 24, 2023

When you post your family photos and messages about your husband and kids and being a wife, you are saying “I’m the right kind of Christian”.

When I post about mine, I’m saying “this is who I am. It doesn’t have to be who you are, but if it is, you count too.”

— RevDaniel (@RevDaniel) October 24, 2023

2. enemies (those who actively work against us)

So I hope you can see why it is no different when people who aren’t heterosexual monogamous couples with children also post about their loved ones

…but also, why it IS different

…and why it’s necessary.

— RevDaniel (@RevDaniel) October 24, 2023

On another day I'd have made some sarcastic quip about what I'd happily push in her face. She must have got me on a good day :)

— RevDaniel (@RevDaniel) October 24, 2023

That's always the weird thing to me. When people take the time to write a total stranger to tell them "I don't care". Uh, obviously you do.

— RevDaniel (@RevDaniel) October 24, 2023

People often start following because of one tweet or thread they liked (i.e. agreed with) but then get upset that that isn't all you post about.

— RevDaniel (@RevDaniel) October 24, 2023

I never post the identities of people who message me – even if it's hateful. I don't want to encourage pile ons. If it is threatening I report and block, I wouldn't even re-post that stuff.

— RevDaniel (@RevDaniel) October 24, 2023

A gay friend once asked “why when you walk hand in hand with your boyfriend it’s cute but when I do it, it’s a statement?” Why indeed? Love is love.

— MRM (@ydeatica) October 25, 2023

These bigots believe that us gays simply existing is “shoving it in their faces.”

— Tonya Bailey (@tbailey1976) October 24, 2023

A superb and on-point response! Thank you for clearly and dispassionately expressing precisely what needed to be said. The level of negativity implied in the question was rather high, though veiled … you were constructive. I pray I learn from your example.

— Rev. Dr. Gregory S. Neal (@RevGregorySNeal) October 24, 2023