Alex Jones really wants you to know that the feds don’t have his “dick pic”

Conspiracy theorist Alex Jones reassured his viewers over the weekend that federal authorities do not have his “dick pic.” Instead, he said, they have a photo of his naked wife, but that didn’t concern him in the least.

Jones recently lost the longstanding lawsuit over his wild claim that the Sandy Hook mass shooting was faked. He committed perjury on the stand after it was revealed that his attorneys had inadvertently sent the plaintiffs a complete log of his text messages; the host was unaware of the mistake.

Jones was ordered to pay $4.1 million in damages to the family members. He was also hit with $45.2 million in punitive damages. Jones is worth approximately $6 million, most of it made selling nutritional supplements, end-of-the-world preparation gear, and other shady ventures.

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“It’s six months of my phone, late 2019, early 2020,” he explained to his followers. Two years of messages were shared.

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The congressional committee investigating the January 6 MAGA riot at the Capitol quickly requested a copy of the messages. Jones pleaded the Fifth “almost 100 times,” but the answers the committee seeks could be in his text messages.

“Sorry, I mean, there was a photo I sent my wife of her naked. Okay, they got that. So, my wife looks pretty good. The point is, there is one naked picture of my wife in there, so that’s what they got! No dick pics, no nothing.”

But when it came to Jones’ willie, it seemed no one actually wanted to see it – and there was a recurring theme.

no dic picks because that would require a microscope

— Art Martin (@gartmartin9) August 7, 2022

Cell phone camera technology hasn’t yet been developed that has that level of magnification functionality, just sayin.

— BeaglesResist ☮